Hello, and welcome to a new feature- Scenes with My Mother, in which I turn actual conversations with my mother into great works of art. Please enjoy.
Scene: Kate’s mother’s van. The year is 2002. Kate’s mother is driving about 30 mph and hitting every curb on the street, as per usual. The dashboard and floor of the car are littered with used styrofoam coffee cups and paperback novels. Kate, a *shockingly* good-looking and intelligent (and humble!) 19 year-old, is in the passenger seat, her feet propped up on the dashboard.
Kate: Hey Mom, guess what?
Kate’s Mom: What?
K: My friend Katie came out of the closet.
KM:Oh?
K: Yeah. Well, I mean- to her friends. Not to her family, though, ’cause they wouldn’t understand. That’s one thing I’ve always really appreciated about you and Dad, you know? That you would totally accept me and love me if I were gay.
(Long pause)
KM:Are you gay?
K: Mom, what? No. I’m just saying if I WERE…
KM: You can tell me, Kate.
K: What? No, I’m…
Km: You can tell me, I love you anyway, Kate….
K: Mom! I’m not gay!
KM: I love you anyway, Kate!!!
K: MOM!
KM: I love my gay daughter!
K: MOM YOU DON’T HAVE ONE.
(End scene)
“ I love my gay daughter!”
Whatever, I’m an asshole, because I just now came and read your WHOLE BLOG. I have no idea what took me so long! So dumb. Anyway, you have to know this:
I just read every single one of your Kate & Kate’s Mom entries out loud to M, who was giggling uncontrollably, too. LOVE THEM. Love them so, so, so much. I read them backwards, so when we got to the part about the coffee cups in the van, we both started giggling again automatically.
WE HEART YR MOM!
And you, of course, but you know that already.
Comment by Skinny Bone Jones — August 20, 2008 @ 6:55 am